Saturday, June 8, 2013

it's strange, for me, to feel so much.

my good friend cheyenne is dying.

the last animal I was close to my parents took away from me, I later found out she was taken to a farm-ish area and let out of the car as they, the so-called parents of mine, drove away… later in my adult life, my so-called mother would describe the scene to me. the visual I imagine of sandy, my great and honorable german shepherd friend isn't something I like to recall. there are so many horrible tales of abuse to sandy that I hate to recall, and the times I would be beaten and she'd stick up for me only to be beaten... yea, I don't like to think about that shit.

cheyenne is the first furry being I've gotten as close as I did with sandy. don't get me wrong, I married and adopted a wonderful friend, our old pit bull roxanne, but she was amys and as close as we were, it wasn't as close as cheyenne and I am today.

not really sure as to why that is… my guess would be right place right time and or, we went thru a LOT of hard times together… and hell, cheyenne is a thinker, scary smart, unlike MOST creatures I have met… trust me, I'm not just saying this because she's my pal, she's honestly a very smart fur-son… hell, she talks from time to time, once, she even howled the word BAMBINO, though, it sounded like whamwinno… she did it and our jaws dropped and, we were so amazed we spent the next 20 min trying to get her to say it again… it's a long story and one that many of the friends I've met along the way have heard and one that might unfold in another blog post as this moment unfolds.

I've wanted to shout to the world thru facebook and twitter that I'm dying over this, that I cry myself to sleep, that I'm in deep pain… but I've realized I can't express myself in those forums with my deepest of moments, that those outlets are used, by me, to sell things, to ask for feedback, for attention, and, to fuck around and with others…much like a bar/tavern I guess. not sure why I feel my blog is a place I can talk, but I do.

I'll try and post more as the days go on… it's been nice to write this, it's been nice talking to me and maybe even you.


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